Abstractity Abstracted to Abstractness

Kya Main Edward Cullen banna chahta hun?

2009-06-29T20:54:00.002+05:30

Twilight: The Real Shit

Today, I was going through my daily three pages of www.fmylife.com [Do check it out] when I found this :

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy of her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FMyLife"

Hence, to solve the mystery that is Twilight, to every non-believer, too-lazy-to-read, Edward-Cullen-my-ass-sceptic, I decided to watch the movie. And I have *I think* successfully decoded what chicks totally dig.

The movie synopsis goes something like this.

Bella is this girl who moves to a new neighbourhood to live with her dad. She goes to a new school, where everyone, including 2 girls seem to have the hots for her. On her first day of Biology class, she gets this guy in her class [Edward Cullen] as her partner.[Surprise, surprise] He sees her, gets totally freaked, and leaves the class. She doesn't see him the next few days. Then, after a few days she sees him again and they hit off their conversationings and everything. He gets really moody the next few days. Bella dismisses this thinking its just his 'time of the month'.

Then he saves her from an accident, and stops a bunch of guys who wanted to do bad things with her [Hello, Bollywod] and everything and Bella's all "Whoa! My Hero!"

She then notices, how he's so strong and fast and how his hands are so cold. She finds a book, where it says guys that are strong, fast and cold are vampires. So she tells him that she knows he's a vampire. He says "So what? I lou you, byaybee." They do kissy-kissy-muah-muah and everybody lives happily ever after? Not so fast. Apparently, in the vampire clan, there are the good ones and the bad ones. Obviously, Eddy boy is good, and the bad ones find Bella very appealing. So they want to eat her. But Eddy boy is Bella's protector and shields her and kills the bad guys. Woo hoo. :|

So, during the course of the movie, I made some careful observations.
Now, all I need to do is:

1. Use Fair & Lovely everyday. No, bathe with it. Heck, breathe it and blow little Fair & Lovely bubbles in the air. [Shouldn't be too hard]
2. Learn how to climb trees really fast with somebody on my back.
3. Have totally drunken driving skills.
4. Have a swanky house, swanky car.
5. Always carry coloured contacts with me.
6. Have superhuman strength and speed. [This is the tricky one][Nothing that some steroids can't take care of.]
7. Appear in girls' bedrooms in the middle of the night climbing in through their windows. [Not creepy]
8. Be afraid of the sun.
and 9. Drink some blood once in a while.

Aur bas nau aasan steps main ban jaiye mahilla-premak[Or something along those lines.]

One at a time, girls. One at a time.

*sigh* The madness.

Kay boltos tumhi? Tumhi Science student aahe? Aii gaa!(pronounced A-ee g-uh)

2009-03-16T23:04:00.004+05:30

Yea, so I'm a Science student.
Let me tell you, little ones, how the life of a Science student is all just one, big screw-up.

We know no fun, because we're either doing homework or attending class.

We know no love, other than carbon-carbon linkage.

We hit puberty wayy later than normal people. We're too busy studying.

By the time we're done with education, we're either blind from the blinding light of enlightenment(yeah), squint from the glare of the 8,934,721,874 kazillion pages we have to memorise, or dead, from suicide.

The only "Activity" we indulge in, is processing thoughts.

Our only affiliation with the opposite sex is if we have to copy homework and no same-sex "friend"(random guy whose face you see when you look up from the 3,594,568 formulae you HAVE to know) has done it yet(God forbid).

We derive pleasure out of completing our homework "early", so we can squeeze in the end-theme-song of Friends(the 1:30 am show) before hitting the sack.

The last time we saw anything close to a "movie" was when our Physics professor showed us Constructive and Destructive Interference patterns on his laptop.

The only 2 career options we have, are Engineering and Medicine, both stunningly charismatic and dazzlingly exciting professions.

Sometimes, we practise doing homework, just so we get the hang of it.

Our sense of humour, though mostly non-existant, consists of cheap jokes like "My name is Bond- Covalent Bond"

When we first heard of 11th standard Economics, we thought to ourselves "You have to be bullshitting me!" [Though most of us are unaware of the meaning of the phrase "bullshitting me". Yes, I'm one of the "kewl science stoodaynts."]

We believe our IQ is directly proportional to the weight of books we carry at all times.

The log book is our bible. We swear by it.

We don't know what sex is. We talk about "coitus".

Sometimes, we plan on doing all the homework for the week, but then we start off with one part of one subject, and then realise we need to spend the rest of the week doing it.

When a friend says "I had fun today", we all say[with the same frequency, amplitude and timbre], "Bullshit".

Most of us secretly think we can crack IIT.

Our only future, is a life where we play Solitaire on outdated PCs or diagnose a man who has red dots on his face with chicken-pox.

*sigh*[ence]

Go ahead, judge us. Not like we care. We're too busy.

It couldn't get pathetic-er than this, seriously. If you're confused about whether you should take Arts, Science or Commerce, don't go to a counsellor, or pick chits. In all PROBABILITY, the odds will be against you.
Take my word for it. Don't take Science.

The End.

Tip for your fingertip #1

2009-02-04T19:42:00.002+05:30

Once you've sprinkled chilli flakes on your pizza, you might wanna consider washing your hands before itching your nose.

Grampa Abhishek's Inappropriate Bedtime story of the month - Part 2

2009-02-01T16:02:00.000+05:30

Please ignore the part of the post in italics. It is of no consequence in your EXTREMELY consequent life. But I bet you'll read it anyway. And right now you're thinking "If he didn't want us to read it, why did he post it? He's stupid awat?"

The pressure is on me. Everyone loved that last post. Shits. What if I can't live up to their expectations? Shits. Shits. Shits. Aila. Aila. Aila. What if my follow-up to the last part turns out to be a total disaster? What if Happy and Couple are actual people leading actual lives? My story is tearing them apart. I feel like "Gossip Girl". No wait, I feel like "Gossip boy". Okay, maybe Gossip Girl was fine. =|

Last time, as we left off, Happy was secretly in love with Twinkle and Couple was secretly in love with Cuddles. Lets take our characters' thoughts on the story so far. Now, we dive right in to the confusion and the madness through the eyes of Cuddles, the neighbourhood Bitch.

Cuddles: "I don't like it when people call me a bitch. I'm more of a sophisticated she-dog, you know. And what is with all these link ups with these humans? I have no idea who Couple is. Hah. Couple. What a thoroughly disgusting name. If I was him, I would totally have committed suicide by now."

Happy: "Who the f*** is Twinkle man? And whats with all the gay photos? Shit, you're mentally retarded awat? What the hell man? And HAPPY!? Really?"

Couple: "What sexod writing, babes. What sexod writing. I hope Cuddles is reading. It'll make my job easier. Shit. What? Happy's reading too? Shit. Shit. Shit."

And we start off. Officially.

As complications began to arise between Happy and Couple, phone bills began to run into multiple pages[itemised billing] for everyone in the neighbourhood. They're all talking about them. The question on everybody's minds is: Will Happy and Couple keep their date on Friday the 23rd?

Tensions were running high in Couple's mind. Thoughts of Cuddles raced across his head like ponies raced across the Barbie plains. He didn't know if he should confront Happy. He didn't know what to say. He thought of possible conversation starters. "Main kutte se pyar karta hun, tujhse nahi" and "Mera dil tere liye ab ussi tarah nahi tadapta" were ruled out for being too direct and too cheesy respectively. Couple was tired. He was thinking of ways to get to Cuddles. He was ready to do anything. Even feel Cuddles' master.

Meanwhile, half an hour away, Happy was rejoicing. Twinkle was finally giving him his attention. Twinkle, his jaanu, his babes, his sab kuch, had finally started noticing him. They were seeing movies together, having sleepovers, squabbling over who would pay the bill at "Love-Da-Dhaba" and going shopping.

There was a constant itch at the back of Twinkle's throat because he knew Happy wasn't single. It tore through Happy, that he couldn't ask Twinkle out yet. As he lay in bed one night, at Twinkle's house, he thought "Maybe THIS is emotional atyachaar". A bed away, Twinkle was thinking "Somebody's feet are smelling. Shit. No more sleepovers with Happy."

The world seemed to be a nicer place.

Cuddles, meanwhile, as she ate her Pedigree, thought of how much Couple was trying to get to her. Something not many people know about Cuddles, is that she can see/feel back into the past. She wasn't just another bitch. She was all "gyaani". She thought of her previous Buddhist life.

She thought of all the time she spent hanging out as a human. She hated the bitch-body she was in right now. She could flex so much more earlier.

As Cuddles cooked up random musings of her flexibility, the Universe was cooking up a storm. Or rather, an Earthquake. And it was headed towards her and Couple.

Couple sat on the Park Bench, thinking about how difficult it was to hide his feelings from the world. Especially Happy. Random thoughts rushed through his brain. He blushed when he thought of bathing Cuddles. He'd seen her master do it. How he would kill to be her "master". He also thought of how cute the wedding invitations would be: "Cuddles weds Couple". He loved rhyming-shyming. Just then, Cuddles walked by. The discomfort in the air was palpable. Couple blushed, his cheeks matching his red tee. Cuddles bristled uncomfortably, wondering how to tackle the situation. And if the that wasn't enough, Cuddles was suddenly thrown into the air, by the movement of a tectonic plate. It was an Earthquake.

As she hovered in mid-air, her life seemed to flash before her. Couple lost his balance and fell on the floor. He looked up and saw Cuddles. He immediately got up and with outstretched arms, caught her. She looked into his eyes. He looked into hers...

To be continued...

Stay tuned to find out the shocking revelation of:

Whether or not Cuddles develops feelings for Couple?

Why Happy can't eat when he's around Twinkle?

What the world thinks of Grampa Abhishek?

Why Cuddles' master, Mr. Farkyoo leads such a secret life?

And What happens when Cuddles' previous birth, Marcus, manifests himself into the current space-time-continuum?

All this and more, only on: Grampa Abhishek's Inappropriate Bedtime story of the month - Part 3.

Junkyard Groove - Nicer in a Minute

2009-01-20T19:43:00.002+05:30

If I was God[yeah, I know, wishful thinking], and Ameeth Thomas was singing to me, he would go to Heaven, no matter how many alcoholick beverages he druncked.

Junkyard Groove's new EP, Nicer in a minute was launched today at 12:00 a.m. Ameeth publicised it plenty on FaceBook, so everyone knew. Thank God he did. Nobody wants to miss out on so much talent. Nor do you. Go right now to www.reverbnation.com/junkyardgroove and download the EP.

Though "Its Okay" remains my favourite song yet, Junkyard Groove rocks us with the utterly amazing music that they're so well known for. There's that unmistakable energy in their music that makes listening to them so much fun. And the best part is, irrespective of you being a metal-head, pop fan, or a Chinese music enthusiast, you will LOVE JYG. Ameeth Thomas on Vocals, Siddarth on the Guitar and Craig on Bass somehow just make it work.

It may be Ameeth's godly vocals, or Siddharth's sexay work on the guitar, or the brilliant bass that Craig gives us.

It goes something like this. When you're listening to JYG, you HAVE to move your head. You move with the rhythm. You move with the beat. You move with the fun. Not the fun YOU'RE having, its the fun THEY'RE having.

The EP contains the following:

Save Me
Please Don't Wake Me Up
Thank You
Let You Go
Say Goodbye

Save Me is one of those tracks that pushes you into Karaoke Overdrive mode. You can imagine yourself holding a microphone and singing it.

Please Don't Wake Me Up is a lazy song. It picks up somewhere during the 2nd verse and stays up there, aided by that unique tinge in the music that tells you to shut up and listen.

Thank You starts off with a bang. The composition is amazing. The only sad part is, its only 2 and a half minutes long. =[

Let You Go is a track that makes you wanna feel. Only, in a fun way. Which is the really cool part.

Say Goodbye is my favourite track on the EP. It was written after the terror attacks on Bombay. Its not very "FUN" or "HEPPENEEENG" but it has wonderful lyrics, a catchy tune and excellent vocals.

[Nicer in a minute has been on my playlist since 4 this afternoon. Its been looping ever since.]

Give JYG a listen. I'm sure they'd appreciate the effort.

*Shit. A lot more than 6 people have heard it* =P

Grampa Abhishek's Inappropriate Bedtime story of the month - Part 1.

2008-12-30T23:03:00.010+05:30

I have received negative feedback for that last post. I'm really sorry to all those that I disappointed. My heartfelt warmth and cushy-cushy-ness is all yours now. Sach mein. Take it and go.
So I must tell you this story, which has been told by one generation to another, and eventually, passed on to me. Portrayed through an array of photographs.

There once lived a happy couple.

Happy:

And Couple:

On request, I shall not disclose their names.

Shankrith and Aniket were leading an *ehem* satisfying life, frolicking around meadows, playing peek-a-boo, and planning out their future married life.

Where they came from, being, boyfriend-boyfriend was not acceptable. You know, the gay-shay types. So Aniket, shit, no, Couple, decided to grow his hair, to camouflage with the female race. This wasn't very difficult for him, considering the fact that everyone thought he was excessively pansy anyway.

Proof:

So Couple successfully completed the mammoth task of blending in for the security of his relationship. Happy was his life, his jaan, his pyaar. You know, woh sab.

But there was a slight problem.

You could call their relationship almost long-distance. They lived about 1/2 an hour away from each other, and their meetings(dates) were becoming a rare sight to see. Moreover, Happy was a Science student and Couple was a Commerce student. They used to frequently squabble about which was better, and then fight over which course their two daughters(Queeny and Rani-Laxmi) would opt for. These squabbles often got physical and led to a lot of domestic violence. It was actually more of cat-fighting, and if you looked from really far away, it would totally look like Public-Display-of-Affection.

Also, Happy had problems of his own. Of late, he had been faltering in his love for Couple. He had seen this other boy(Twinkle), who he used to meet everyday, to be way cuter than Couple. Happy felt guilty everytime he spoke to Twinkle. He felt like he was cheating on Couple.

Happy speaking to Couple (before) :

Happy after speaking to Couple (After) :

Meanwhile, Couple was having trouble himself. He couldn't resist that pretty young thang that lived Oh-so-temptingly-closeby.

Every night as he went to sleep, he did so thinking of Cuddles, not of Happy. The thoughts that he had of Cuddles brought a smile to his face as he slept. He almost squirmed with joy when he thought of his first kiss with Cuddles.

Who is this Cuddles, you may ask.

THIS[dramatic pause] is Cuddles:

To be continued...

Stay tuned to find out the shocking revelation of:

Who Cuddles was in his last birth!?

Who Happy still has feelings for!?

What Couple secretly feels like doing to Cuddles!?

And What happens when an Earthquake hits the area 1/2 an hour away from Happy!?

All this and more, only on: Grampa Abhishek's Inappropriate Bedtime story of the month - Part 2.

My long period of inactivity

2008-12-29T22:19:00.003+05:30

It has actually been a long period of extended activity. I have just been too lazy to blog-shlog. Its like, Chee. Woh Abhishek ka blog kaun padhta hai?
But on request(s), I have taken this mammoth task at hand, bit it on the neck, and chewed it raw. I am bloggerman - Abhishek.

Since I'm now in college, and college-life is not nearly as exciting as I thought it would be, I started looking for recreational activity OUTSIDE of college. Namely, college festivals. And I've been adequately pleased. Yay. I've

gone for most of them. You name it.
Malhaar - St. Xavier's (disappointment. But make sure you check out JAM)
Kaleidoscope - Sophia Girls College(fantastic campus, decent management. Again, check out JAM. If male, also check out the girls =] )
Kshitij - Mithibai (decent. Okay-shokay)
Techstorm - Ruia (Excessively lame)
Mood Indigo - IIT Bombay (omg! Awesome. You have to be there to feel it)

Anyway, not like you care.

Moving on, I'm now 11th standard boy studying for 12th standard.(Yes, I don't say 11th GRADE, thanks for noticing. I find it highly pretentious and occidental) And that kinda sucks. My Physics and Maths classes have begun, and Chemistry will begin soon. Already, my life is kinda not-so-great because of college kicking my ass for non-attendance, and then I have boredom to worry about. To top that, my free time is used by homework-doing, class-attending and planning.

Also, my home life is spent on my lovely, darling brother, Vivek. This mostly includes him pulling my leg, making fun of me, insulting me, whooping my ass, putting me down and leaving me red-faced. But thats kinda fun. I get to do it to everybody else, anyway.

I've watched a lot of movies as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm really busy. But I need to make some time for the (not so) nice movies, no? And I saw all Hindi-Shindi Bollywood flicks! =O
Some of them were:

Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye! : For some reason, this was a really nice movie to me. There's no real story, but its a real fun watch. Enjoyed myself. (There's also a cute girl at the start of the movie. Like, super-cute)

Sorry Bhai: Stupid, stupid, stupid. Chitrangda Singh is hot, and Boman Irani is his usual, impressive self. The rest is pretty sad.
PS: How the hell did Sharman Joshi get to do intimate scenes with Chitrangda and Gul Panag in "Hello"?!?

Dasvidaniya: Really neat movie. Its a little like The Bucket List, but its made unique in a very nice way.

Madagascar 2: King Julien doesn't disappoint. Though nothing compares to that first Madagascar. Must've watched that atleast a hundred times.

Dil Kabaddi: is pretty lame. It has a proper story-wory and all, but for an unknown reason I didn't like it. It just didn't do it for me. Which was sad because Rahul Bose and Konkona Sen are two of my favourite actors. =[

The Last Kiss: I am a Zach Braff fan. He is really cool. Though this movie tends to tow the "pansy" line, Zach Braff made it worthwhile. Go watch it. Also, it has Rachel Bilson. =O

Thats pretty much all there is to my sad, boring life.
Okay, no. I've been going to town (South Bombay) a lot. Roaming around aimlessly. Causeway was a hotspot. It still is, after all the shootings and terrorists and all that nonsense. Colaba Causeway is fun to go to for the simple fact that girls love going there. And I am as single as ever. Its not like I would man up and go talk to anyone of them, anyway, but its fun, just going and ogling with your friends.

Also, I've been taking a lot of photographs. Like, natural photographs. When people aren't looking, I whip out my phone and click. They don't like it too much. Mostly because its not their most aesthetic look. In my defence, its atleast a NATURAL look. They also aren't particularly happy when I post these pictures on FaceBook. God Wonly knows why.

I have also downgraded my PSP (Playstation Portable) and now its possible for me to play all the games I used to play as a kid on my PS1 (Playstation 1. You knew that already no? Shit. Genius.)

To end this marvellous, mammoth essay of a blogpost, I would like to quote an MSN personal message:
"Don't waste your youth trying to grow up"

Here's Abhishek, signing off. Stay tuned(for quite a while) for another Yexciting Yepisode of Yummy-Yubbishek. Same place, same time, probably 5-6 months later.

Wokay, tata, bye-bye.

After much contemplation over whether this post should have a photo or no, I've come to the decision that it should. Here's one. Go nuts.

At Colaba Causeway. See how I capture the essence-wessence and all.

Shit. Okay. Thats all. Hope you stay tuned for the next post. I love you, O possibly solitary reader.

Talent things of my Computer Science lecture

2008-11-27T12:00:00.003+05:30

Of cheap puns and other things

If I work at a Titan showroom,
Would you keep a watch on me?

If I took somebody's job at a Titan showroom,
I would feel so second hand!

If a Titan showroom were to catch fire,
It would probably be extinguished just on time.

Poetry

This poetry thing,
I've got it quite figured out,
I've learned it is completely bad,
to try and rhyme out with out.
Oh shit.
I just did it.
See how well that rhymed?
Shit, now what do I rhyme with rhymed?
Maybe mimed or limed.
Wait, what the hell is limed?
This poem is not working out to be good.
Like it should.
See how I did that rhyming thing?
If I was a bird, I would have wing.
I shall now, put this poem to rest.
I think we all learned,
that Abhishek's poetry is best-est.

Class

The bell has ringed,
The bird is winged.
Teacher of Physics is sitting in class,
Counting every head of every arse.
People are talking.
Teacher starts walking.
Everyone hurriedly stops everything non-physics.
Teacher catches victim with smack of her lips.
"You boy, reading naughty magazine?"
*surprised*"Me, Miss? I am clean!"
"You liar boy! I sawed it."
*still surprised*"I didn't read any naughty shit!"
"Shit, you say? Come Principal."
"No Miss. No Miss. I am very simple."
Two boys run out while Teacher is not looking,
Everyone gasps and Teacher smells something fishy cooking.
"Who just runned out?" she asks with rage.
Her hair turning white, with anger, not age.
"Aila!" a boy screams, pointing at the door,
Another, "Shits! Its Principal! Looking all sore."
"We're all dead. Tell Mummy-daddy you love them,
Because today we die our deaths and go to Heaven."

On Killing a person

It takes quite a lot to kill somebody,
Not a simple jab of your silver dagger will do it.
No, not even your red kitchen knife.
You have to dig the knife in,
simultaneously banging the head with a pan.
For the body has grown,
with sickness and health,
with much pooing and peeing,
Excreting, secreting, discreetly creating
a whole world of bodily things and non-bodily things.
So now you know,
to kill someone, keep the tawa at hand,
Cut the wrist, stab the stomach,
bang the head, kick the groin.
Then poke the body to see if it moves.
If it does, repeat sequence no. 1.
If it doesn't, you still have much work left.
Dispose the body, clear the evidence,
Clean the kitchen, wipe the blood off the knife and tawa.
If body doesn't fit in "kachra dabba", try plastic bags.
If not, go put it in the river.
Ganga, if body was sinful.
Any river will do if body was not sinful.
Then come home, smile satisfactorily,
and drink your first glass of water.
First glass of water as a murderer.

{Disclaimer: After getting my ass kicked for not attending lectures in college, I had to start attending my lectures. And I had no clue what people did while in class. And I was REALLY bored. So I figured I would write these nice-nice poems. =]}

The Screw

2008-11-25T10:38:00.002+05:30

One fine day, the staff at my college were sitting around, with nothing to do, the Chess boards had broken due to overplay, their fingers were sore playing carrom and staring blankly into space (believe it or not), had gotten boring.

So one of them said, "Why don't we do something that'l totally screw their lives up."

One bright one said, "Lets pick out the names of the smartest kid in the college (with all humility, me.), and send his mum a letter about how he's not attending his lectures. And just for fun lets call her for a meeting to tell her how bad her son is."

Another, "What a great idea! Lets do that."

I am a defaulter =[ I mean, I was proud and all, but then my parents found out. Not good.

My mum, apparently, is not familiar with the concept of bunking.

Mum: This letter says you don't have enough attendance. Why?

Me: Erm... You know... Er....

Mum: But you weren't sick or anything? And you didn't go out of town also? How'd you lose attendance?

Me: I was, erm, around college?

Mum(louder, shocked, angrier): WHAT!? You went till college and didn't sit for lectures!?

Me(shocked): You never bunked college Ma, in the 11th standard?!

Mum: No!

Me: WHAT!?

Mum: This is going to your father. This is definitely going to your father.

Me: Arrgh.

This really sucks. The meeting is day after tomorrow.

Finding an appropriate reason to yell at me, Mr. and Mrs. Parents yelled for almost everything.

Now,

1.I can't use my PC for a month.

2.I had shave off my gotee. =[ (Apparently, it was indecent >_>)

3.I have to attend all my lectures now.

4.Everytime I'm home, I must be studying.

Okay. This really sucks. Like, REALLY.

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, omg! A revelation.

2008-11-13T19:20:00.002+05:30

I got this from here.

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.

"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."

"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok

I have found, definitive proof

that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

If you aren't overcome with a sense of complete realisation, go squeeze a couple of lemons in your eye. See how that works out.

Yes, really.

2008-11-11T08:48:00.002+05:30

The following is an excerpt from a conversation I had yesterday.

Topic of discussion: The Gujju Brain

Me: There is just one word that can describe the Gujju brain. It starts with C, ends with P and has H,E,A in the middle.
My Gujju friend: Stop confusing me! Just tell me the word na?

Yes, really.

Quantum of something

2008-11-08T20:43:00.001+05:30

I must admit, Quantum of Solace was the first Bond flick I saw. And I saw the first day, first show, too. At 8 in the morning. And very bluntly, I was disappointed.
Bond is supposed to be great. Bond is supposed to be super, excellently fantastic. This Bond was kind of sloppy, not funny and quite surprisingly kinky.

Daniel Craig plays James Bond in this epic action movie that will fail to keep your attention for the simple reasons that the storyline is vague, not to mention mildly stupid, the camera-work is EXTREMELY shoddy, and Bond himself just seems to be perplexed at times.

The lead actress plays an unconvincing role in the movie. A pretty face is pleasurable to see at first, but when you have a pretty gross burn mark etched out on your back for everyone to see, its not as cool as before.

The movie seems to be kind of like a Tamil flick. The manner in which the hero takes down the bad guys and escapes unscathed brings back so many memories of the few Tamil movies I have watched. Heck, if the West liked this movie, they would LOVE Kollywood.

There is little more to the movie actually. It falls on almost every level.

Story: About Bond taking revenge for his dead ex-girlfriend. Kills too many people, too easily, too fast. Also, the involvement of an international trade in oil. *Really grabbed all my attention*
Action: Since all the action sequences were shot with somebody suffering from SCS(Shaky Camera Syndrome), and due to the footage being extremely edited, nobody could make out a thing about what the hell was going on.
Cast: The one decent performance in the movie was by the villain, Mathieu Amalric. And the one nice-looking girl was Gemma Arterton. Daniel Craig was pretty disappointing.
Thoughts after the movie: "Really? Bond? This big? Rajnikanth is way cooler than him. Heck, atleast he has style."

My rating : 4.8467/10

Holy cow.

2008-10-31T11:52:00.002+05:30

I was treated to this when I woke up. =|

And then I moved the Times and breathed a sigh of relief.

Really woke me up, you know.

Golmaal Returns =| wtfax.

2008-10-30T14:00:00.003+05:30

No, seriously. wtfax.

After watching "Golmaal Returns", I got a feeling I paid Rs. 200/- just to hear Tushar Kapoor sound and act like a gorilla, while enjoying the spastic acting of the 8 (wo)man "star" cast.
And while I was in the theatre, [mind you, this is no 20 rupees ticket - full of cheap, sidy men theatre), I was amazed at the way people ACTUALLY laughed at this bullshit.
Also, there was a startling amount of homosexuality in the movie. And those were the times the crowd laughed the hardest. I was then convinced that my theatre was full of homo/trans/lame/plain stupid/illiterate/suprisingly horny people.
I'm surprised Arshad Warsi, [whose wife is Maria Goretti(omg!)] actually agreed to do this movie. I couldn't expect better from the other people, though.
The movie pokes into a few other movies and serials, but fails to take a dig at anything significant by showcasing something decent.
The movie was not only dislikable, it was gross, lame and a waste of a lot of money. If I was the director, I would shoot myself after seeing that that piece of shit was my creation. Nobody should subject themselves to this bullshit.
Outside the theatre(since I went for first day show >.>), there were people from the news channels asking us for our views, and the uncle that they were interviewing "thought it was an amazing, absolutely fantastic movie. 8/10." And I was like, "Lemme have a go at that camera!" That uncle was probably some kind of weird woman stuck in man's body kind of guy who was a homosexual pedophile with people issues. My friends, sadly, didn't lemme have a go at the camera, they didn't think it was worth it.

My view: RIPOFF.

Profound Brain Things

2008-10-28T20:15:00.004+05:30

After thinking profound brain things in my head today, I decided I shall blog.

New hobby: Staring blankly into the wall. I do it now, because I know I won't have time for it later. See, the thing is, I will do it even if I had work, but my parents will be on my ass telling me to study. Heck, they're doing it now.

Anyway, the profound brain things in my head told me, that I'm growing up too fast. I'm already 16 years old.
Freaking 16.

Damn. When did I get past 14, and 15!? Heck, when did I get out of 8th standard!? This is so not good. I feel too old.
I have already begun doing old-ish things, like thinking about the future and things concerning the matter. I don't want to be old. Heck, 16 is too much.

Now I know all you aunty-uncles out there will go, "What men? Why he crying so much? 16 wonly no? We are toh 40-50 and not complaining. What to do? We will toh grow old only! Stupid bachcha"
By any miracle of God, if any aunty-uncles ARE reading my blog, please don't stop reading altogether (I can't possibly lose more readers than the 2 I have). In fact, please tell your niece/daughter/daughter-in-law/grand-daughter (Yes, that pretty young thang) to read my blog.

Anyway, I don't want to old-ish things. All the things you bad people think about, I'm fine waiting awhile. As long as I can keep my youth. I want to be 16 even next year. And the year after that. See, I have nothing against old people. You're fine. You keep the balance between the generations alive. But I don't want to be some intense-research-doing, part-time-jobbing, boss-bitching, youth-envying old man. That just sucks.

I've already gone way too high on the age-scale thing. I'm going to stop growing. Yes, sir. Stop growing. I am going to do all the things that these "hep yengsters" do. I'm going to be bloody young again. I'm no uncle. I'm never going to be.

So, do your bit for the age-reversal of Abhishek Vishwanathan. Contribute generously for this.

T-H-I-S

Have an ecstatically, awesomely waaanderful day =]

And remember, take some time out to stare at the wall. You will get profound brain things in your head. Promise =]

Best-est blog ever. Seriously.

2008-10-22T22:43:00.000+05:30

Click Me.

The lyricist in me

2008-10-21T22:28:00.002+05:30

You-Are-my-Aaju-Baaju-Kaaju!
Yes, you. Who me? Yes, you.
My dear little aaju baaju kaaju!

My corny little cashewnut,
I can never lose you.
For you shall always be with me,
You know, Aaju-baaju.

I wanna gobble you down
I wanna show you around town,
coz babyyyy
You stay right by meeeeeeee.

You're my ABK
which rhymes with RBK
Incidentally also BBK
And CBK

Babaaaayyy
Ayy-Beee-Kayyyyy

(drumroll)
(finish)

For those of you that aren't familiar with Hindi,

Aaju-Baaju is a phrase meaning "nearby"
And Kaaju means "cashewnut"

I would like to dedicate this one to my one and only inspiration.

Bottom left. Love of my life.

Indian Rock.

2008-10-13T14:13:00.005+05:30

No, not that one.
Gosh. Sorry about that. I thought it would be funny. I don't know what I was thinking =|

Anyway. Indian Rock music. Its nice. I like.

I have been downloading a few songs recently, and I'm so glad to see them available on the internet free to download. =]
For all those who want to download these songs, please visit:

This nice blog =]

Kudos to that guy. Like, seriously.

I'm so glad we Indian peoples also came up with all this nice-shice music. Heck, most of it is better than the international pansy stuff. Hm. I'm not really into Hard-Rock and most of the Indian bands seem to be tadpoles emerging from that genre. But I'm glad to see the likes of "Parikrama", "Dream out loud" and "Junkyard Groove".

Recommended Downloads:

Parikrama - But it Rained
Parikrama - Superhero

Junkyard Groove - Its okay
Junkyard Groove - Cover of Don't Cha. (zomg! Wow.)

Dream out loud - Last days on Earth

Indus Creed - Pretty Child

Hm.

I think this would be an appropriate post to tell you about what I would like to do in the future.

I will do a 3 year course on Audiography from FTII, work with a movie production crew, earn lots and lots of money. Then with experience and finance, will set up my own recording studio. Will then hold lots and lots of events along the lines of "Launchpad" and "I-Rock" to find new talent. I will then sign them and get them all famous and all. Hm. Pretty soon, Headlines will read "Abhishek Vishwanathan revolutionizes Indian Rock with Kick-ass Records."

Yep. Kick-ass Records.

Oh. My. God.

2008-10-13T13:55:00.002+05:30

I'm in love. Like, really.

2008-10-08T13:20:00.003+05:30

In honour of Aniket. Who is way gayer than his smile =]

2008-10-06T22:20:00.013+05:30

And the first of my friends to make it to my blog. Welcome, Aniket. Hope you like it here =]

For any grievances, please contact 1800-I'm-Not-Deleting-This-Post

For framed images, contact Blog owner. =]

When he was more she than she.

And sometimes, he's a little too he. o_0

I love you, baby. I love you so much. =]

McDreeeaaamy.

2008-09-21T12:21:00.001+05:30

I have always wanted to remember my dreams. I have always thought of myself as someone with really cool dreams. I remember a few of them. I personally thought they were pretty cool.

Here's one of them...

The world is all gathered in one big place, kinda like Oval Maidan, containing all the people in the world. And at the borders of the assembly, there are waters encroaching, threatening to drown the world. Also, out of the water, evil looking monsters and gigantic snakes are jutting their heads out. The waters eventually begin to loom overhead. Everyone looks to me for help. I helplessly go, "Why are you looking at ME!? I can't even swim!" [Which is a fact, btw] They say[in unison], "You're ABHISHEK! Do something!" I say, "Okay, fine. Lets see what we can do here."
I then fly over the water[its a dream, no criticism], with one fist out in the air, and then suddenly everything becomes dark. I look around, and notice one of the creepy sea creatures have grown in size so as to completely block out the light.

{
At this point, you may think I would come up with some super ingenius plan to save the world. I didn't.
}

The monster eats me. The world drowns. Those who can swim, get eaten by the sea creatures, and die a gruesome, bloody death. Sea creatures rule the world. I could almost hear them say, "Gah. Humans. How ambitious."

College

2008-09-16T23:01:00.002+05:30

When God was making the world, he decided upon education. He then decided to divide the education in India into SSC, CBSE and ICSE.

SSC - for vernaculars, dumbasses, ghatis and dyslexics.
CBSE - for those too smart to go to SSC, but not quite upto the iCSE mark
ICSE - for the truly elite.

My transition from an ICSE school to an HSC College has left me dumbfounded. I am in the minority in more ways than one.

1. One of the few smart ones. [No conceit. Seriously, the people are crazily stupid]
2. One of the few that know and speak English.

Actually, I come under the majority category when the categorization of gender comes up. Female infanticide must be really acting up. Half the females in my college give me a masculinity complex when it comes to facial hair, broad shoulders and deep voices. The other half don't speak any recognizable tongue.

I have start to speak wrong english myself only also, it is this HSC, I telling you.

I miss school, and ICSE. I miss the English, the intellectuals and the teachers who knew the subjects. My teachers in school told me, I would be nothing but a roll number in college. I'm still cool with that, but does it have to be this bad?!

By the way, I once studied in St. Gregorios High School(Chembur) - ICSE
And am now in SIES(Sion) - HSC

If I could have it any other way, I would.
Jai Hind would be nice. Maybe Xavier's. I hear they have a lot of ICSE kids. And I like Marine Drive. I spend most of my college time there, anyway.

For any kids reading my blog, please, tell Mummy-Daddy to do some research and find out some nice CBSE or ISC Schools for 11th or a townside (South Bombay) HSC College. Don't end up going to Ruia or Ruparel or SIES and wasting your precious college years. Please.

Hopefully, I'll find a couple more ICSE kids, with any luck, maybe even some nice SSC kids, but college has disappointed me.

Boo! College. You're such a disappointment.

Disclaimer: This post was not meant to hurt, destroy or touch anybody's feelings. It is a rant, and is expected to be taken in the spirit of the rant. My rant is based on generalisations and as much as I condemn them, I am a hypocrite. Yes. I am. So, any unique SSC student wishing to disagree with my thoughts is welcome to do so. You have my comment space. =]

Muwi Vision o_0 Reloaded.

2008-09-15T21:59:00.003+05:30

I've seen a large number of movies recently. Many of them, turned out to be sad. But, you know what they say. Even when you eat Sambar Rice, sometimes you get Chips to go with it. [There were a few good movies in the many bad movies I saw, for those who didn't get the elaborate metaphor][Also, nobody actually says that.]

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Firstly, it stars Mila Kunis(Jackie from That '70s Show) and Jason Segel(Marshall from How I Met Your Mother), both shows that I watched avidly, and both characters that I really like. The plot goes something like this. Guy [Lets call him guy1] gets dumped by celebrity girlfriend[Lets call her cgf1], Sarah Marshall, and goes to Hawaii to seek solace and comfort. Incidentally, cgf1 is also there. Cgf1 then thinks guy1 is stalking her, but guy1 stays on. During the course of his stay, he finds fun and supercoolness in Reception Girl[rg1]. Even though the end may be predictable, its a great watch. The film also features two marvellous song performances by Russell Brand, "Inside of you" - the lyrics would really crack you up. And "We've got to go something" You should download them, if you can. The film is wonderfully written and carried through. The first movie I watched a second time. Go crazy.

Rock On

Frankly, it was over hyped. Sure, it was a different idea, different script and all that, but somewhere down the line, its starting to seem that those are the only things we look for. Sure, it was an okay story. Someone described it aptly as a cross between Dil Chahta Hai and Jhankaar Beats. The music may be nice, also. But it didn't really hit any spot. Everyone wants to now join Guitar classes or Drum classes, and thats great. The movie's supposed to be inspiring. But why, really? It's a WELL MADE movie, I have to give that to it. My brother seems to have a crush on Joe's wife, the fish-lady. She's acted well. The movie has very less, if any energy in it. The first part is great, sure, then what? Everyone's sad lives for the rest of the movie, and then they sneak in a performance at the end. I'm surprised the youth even relate to it. I don't realistically, see how, though. We seem to be celebrating mediocracy.

A Wednesday!

The plot is so ordinary, and so normal, and so bloody guessable, it makes you want to kill yourself. The movie recovers in the last 20 minutes, but thats too late in the movie to make any changes. People may have walked out of theatres by then. But the twist is well thought of. I won't ruin it for you guys, if you would choose to watch it. We've made so many movies on Jihad and portraying Muslims as terrorists, and instigating them and gnawing at their very existence, it's saddening. Sure, there is expressive freedom, and things of the sort, but we don't need to go out of our way to make movies about these issues just to have a blockbuster. It's very sad. Sure, there's a message. But no message one could really take.
One nice line in the movie:
"Usne mujhe apna naam bataya. Par main tumhe naam nahi bol sakta. Kyunki aadmi naam mein mazhab dhoond leta hai" [He told me his name, but I can't tell you. People tend to look for the religion in a name.]

August Rush.

Its absolutely marvellous. See it. Believe it.
There is music all around you. All you have to do, is listen.

Thats all for now. The other movies, I guess, aren't worth mentioning. Or I'm just lazy.
Stick around for another review of another movie in another blog post. You know what they say. "If you keep eating Sambar Rice, maybe one day you'll get Pav Bhaji"
[For those who didn't get that metaphor, you might want to get yourself tested for this.
[Oh, and people don't actually say that]

Further Ramblings of a confused mind.

2008-08-21T10:33:00.002+05:30

I talk, so nobody can hear
I write, so nobody can read
I feel, so I deprive touch
I eat, so none can feed.

My speech is slurred
My eyes are weary
My skin is scaled
And night is dreary.

I long to hear, a silent noise
A yearn for a day, completely dark.
My heart sings, for unified solitude.

I stop.

My thought is drained
My soul is pained
Sense is lost
Pain is gained.

I begin.

From East to West as the sun sets forth
The darkness falls.

I wait.

I hear the yelping of a cub.
I see it as life again.
I see it as a little more love.

I am alive.

Itch up my nose

2008-08-21T09:24:00.002+05:30

In life, one encounters a variety of bitches, most of whom/which fail to be a part of you for long enough to make a difference for the simple reason that they are bitches. But not this one. Oh no.
Of all the types of bitches in the world, this one takes the cake.

Common cold.

She won't let go of me. I have been sneezing and wheezing and double sneezing and double wheezing, unable to sleep at night, exhaling mucous through my clogged nostrils in an effort to breathe.

Inhaling steam with "Vicks" in it, hasn't got me anywhere yet. My "Vicks" inhaler fails to clear up my nose for longer than 5 seconds. A constant feeling of phelgm in my throat persists. Not nice.

I don't think people really do anything about the cold that makes it go away instantly. We just have to wait for it to pass. And pass it shall.

As of now, this bitch holds my neck (metaphor for nostrils, keep up) and strangles me almost to death. Thats what bitches do.

Please forgive my usage of the word bitch. I don't mean to do it. It just happens. I think my keyboard is trying to be fnunny. I dnot like my keyboadr. Lief's a btich.

Wow. Seriously, wow.

2008-08-20T20:35:00.001+05:30

If I'm sin²Θ and you're cos²Θ, then together we can be 1.

Who came up with that?
I did.

Is it awesome?
Yes it is.

Hell yea.

Suber fundastic. Excellent. Bale`.

2008-08-17T21:38:00.001+05:30

My people rap.

And they're good.

Upto date.

2008-08-09T15:34:00.004+05:30

[Board Exams]
[3 months of absolutely nothing]
[President of School Alumni]
[Host of major interschool festival, Odyssey]
[Board Results]
[91 %]
[ICSE, SSC Screw up]
[SIES College]
[No more school]
[Boo hoo!]
[Boring College]
[Fun outside college]

That's pretty much all thats happened over the really long time that I was gone. Oh, and please check out the YouTube video a couple of posts below. Found it while helping out my brother with his project on KFC. Will try to stay in touch with Mr. Blog here.

Take care of yourself =]

All the love in the world,
Your imaginary friend,
Abhishek =]

Ramblings of a confused mind.

2008-08-09T14:25:00.003+05:30

I thought a thought, that I thought to be
I thought a thought, for you to see
I thought a thought, that will be mine
For I will be me, along the line.

No thought of yours, can ever do
Even the least, for I am you
And my thought of you, will seem to be
A thought of self, a thought of me.

I may not think, to think alike,
I may not think, a thought you like
But I think what I think, to think again,
I need no why, or where or when?

Am I you, or are you me?
Or will this, an illusion be?
Are we all, just so very small?
Or is this just, my wake-up call?

Maybe I am, a filthy scam,
for the thing that they call you.
But that just tells, just how well
I know what isn't true.

By Me =]

Wonder gal! o_0

2008-07-27T22:19:00.000+05:30

Smitten!

2008-06-12T22:26:00.002+05:30

So help me God. For this beauty has me smitten.

Smriti Rao.

My one reason to hopelessly see Breakfast News on NDTV every morning. Her smile made my day.

If only... it worked out between us...

Ah, the times.

GCOTD #2

2008-06-03T14:36:00.001+05:30

My brother(Vivek) : Abhishek... We need to get you married. To a nice, decent, loving, caring, lots-of-dowry giving family. I need lots of stuff.

:|

Recalled Incident #3

2008-05-30T19:30:00.000+05:30

This little anecdote is a blast from the past.Long, Long ago, probably around when I was 10 or something. Now, when I was young, I was a big time TV junkie. I mean, REAL big. I used to watch it all day. Cartoons. Music. Drama. You name it. I used to crazily call up this music channel all day long (Oxygen, iTV) just so they could play the Tarzan and Jane song, which happened to be my favourite. I will repeat, I was young.

Anyway, so my brother and I used to watch TV together for most part, and we used to watch a lot of MTV and the sort. We were usually in on the really good music before the others because of this. We almost let it get to our heads.

So, this happened one afternoon, we both were lazy, tired and watching something along the lines of E! News on some channel. Now this was VERY long ago, when Justin Timberlake was not so famous. TV told us that he just had a new haircut. It was kinda like this. He had very short hair, pretty normal. But, the kick was, he had a line of no hair in the front. Pretty abnormal.

My brother was pretty crazy then, and I was too young anyway. We had long hair at the time. And our parents had been pestering us for quite a while to get a hair cut. So, he goes, what the heck, lets get this hair cut done! I was young and jubilant, and looked up to him like crazy, so I was like, Sure.

We went to the barber together. My brother *generously* let me go first. He explained to the barber how he wanted it done. The barber, though confused, did it anyway. It was pretty much the same. Real short hair, cut through the front. My brother seemed really impressed. He was like, Wow, you look great and stuff. But for some reason, didn't get the same hair cut done.

Later, when I came home and got critical opinions from my shocked family members, I was taken aback. I had let myself believe even, that it looked good. But well, then, the only problem was, this was India. And I was 10.*or something. Not important* So, to relieve myself of the embarassment, I had to use marker on my head to hide the cut. And I tried using Sketch-pens, pens, markers, pencils even, but it still looked pretty thin.

The next day when I went to school though, nobody *thankfully* noticed, though I had to keep reinstating the marker and sketch pen on my head during the breaks.

My brother still maintains it looked really awesome. I still haven't forgiven him for not doing it to his hair too. =|

Muwi Vision o_0

2008-05-29T11:58:00.002+05:30

Welcome to another episode of Abhishek's Movie Reviews - Where Movies are reviewed by Abhishek.
This is where all movies, meet Judgement Day in the name of the almighty, all-knowing, omnipotent Abhishek =)
So, these are the movies I've seen over the past few days.

Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0408236/

Undoubtedly one of the BEST movies I've seen this year. Its a musical, which makes it even cooler. Full of gore, psychadelic frenzy and seemingly unrealistic tendencies, it is a joyride into everything you wouldn't want to see. With blood spurting out of a hundred necks, people eating meat pies which has the meat of other people, to some wicked verses of song, I absolutely ADORE the way this movie was made.

Cloverfield
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1060277/

Sees the director's adaptation of a possible doomsday where a Huge monster hits the Big Apple. People run around, scream, and all that stuff people usually do when they see a big monster in their city. The cool part of this movie is that there aren't 1001 cameras from 1001 angles or professional videography. The whole movie is taped on something like a handycam. And its a first-person viewer. So, that came off very, very realistic and genuine. The storyline was thin. Not too much other than escaping the huge monster. But it had a nice end. If you're a movie buff, you should see this.

The Mist
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0884328/

Pretty much the same plot as the above. There's some military screw-up which opens other dimensions and allows big, huge monsters to invade Earth in a mist that covers the Earth. There are a hundred people stuck in a supermarket, desperately looking for a way of escape. People fight against each other. Eventually get killed. Its weird, but pretty much the same. Oh and yeah, its supposed to be a horror flick.

Horton Hears a Who!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0451079/

A Dr. Seuss adaptation, this movie comes across as a really nice movie for any appreciant of childhood prose and poetry. With people speaking in verse, and some really good animation, this movie pulls off a Dr. Seuss story as a movie for almost ANYONE to watch and like.

The Notebook
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332280/

Its a love story, gone weird. I thoroughly DID NOT enjoy it. Its a lame, stupid storyline with absolutely NO matter whatsoever. Its 2 hours 3 minutes if absolute boredom. Its actually a lot like Bollywood. Boy meets girl. Fall in love. Girl Rich, Boy poor. Can't be together. Parents take away girl to another city. She falls in love again. This time with rich guy. But she decides to come back to poor guy to see how he's doing. Falls for him again. Get married. Dumb, really. Please don't subject yourselves to it.

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457419/

It sees a toy store that runs purely on the magical element that is present in each one's mind. Imagination. Pretty much themes out as "The Magic is not IN you. The magic IS you." When Mr. Magorium knows he's gonna die, he decides to leave the store to the stunningly cute Natalie Portman playing his store-assistant. But she's not upto it. With hope fading, the store's magic too, begins to fade. But in the end, all is well, as magic saves the day. And all is well. A really nice movie. Quite recommended.

Pulp Fiction
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110912/

I saw this movie because my brother had to do some analyses for his exams. Its 2 and a half hours, be fore-warned. It has a few parts that are thoroughly enjoyable. The good thing is, these parts come along pretty often. Word of caution, if this movie had censored audio, you wouldn't hear a thing. I saw the movie in parts, but it still was pretty decent. Its about thugs and stuff, following their steps. In the end, seems a little incomplete, but that doesn't change the fact that it IS a pretty good movie.

The Darjeeling Limited

I saw it because its based in India. Its boring. PLEASE don't see it.

Khuda Kay Liye
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1068956/

First Pakistani movie to release in India. First instinct, a REALLY REALLY good movie. The rest of my instincts were also pretty much the same. There's a really neat song too. It basically follows the story of two brothers-musicians, one liberal Islamist, one worked upon by the staunch Muslims to give up music as it doesn't conform with the Quran. I won't ruin too much of the plot for you. PLEASE, go out and see this movie!

Thats all for now. I guess. Stay tuned for another episode of Abhishek's movie reviews. And Have a nice day =)

Ah! Humanity

2008-05-15T22:08:00.003+05:30

My brother would like to refer to this as the "Headbanging Incident". The not so pleasant times.

Everybody has times when they know they know something, but as it turns out, cruel humanity knows better and amends things quite your displeasure.

Now this happened today. I was sitting around the house. Not literally around the house. That would be kind of impossible. Anyway. The bed I was sitting on, leans against a wall. A hard, brick and cement wall. I was sitting somewhat at the center of the bed.

*It would help you if you tried and imagined a situation. I would be pleased to clear any grievances.*

Anyway, so I'm kind of tired, so I lean back looking to find a pillow beneath my head. Instead, I bang my head against the wall (Read: The Headbanging Incident) and bounce back to a sitting position.

Now my head starts vibrating furiously in a frenzy. The people around me, my loving and caring family begin to make jokes about how I may need a helmet in the future. I am too zoinked out to consider, let alone comprehend what they're saying. My eyes get all foggy and misty. I couldn't see. My head went down and it slumped callously. My mum started rubbing it a while later.

Isn't it funny? You think you're gonna get a nice soft pillow, but then Life goes "Screw You! Here, have a brick wall!"
If only frail humanity could gather up the courage to stand up to Life. But alas! Our time here is short.

And the lesson to be taken out of this is this:

"When you're going to fall behind on what you think is a pillow, it wouldn't kill you to take a second look."
"Steel walls for your house is a very, very bad idea."

Pretty Much.

2008-05-12T13:04:00.003+05:30

I love the smell of petrol and the monsoons.
I love the sight of an orange sky.
I love having absolutely nothing to do.
I love being alone at home.
I love my computer.
I love the way things usually work out.
I love the breeze on summer day.
I love the warmth on a rainy night.
I love the polluted air I breathe.
I love the dirty environment.
I love the feel of my smooth, silky hair.
I love the sight of cats being stuck up.
I love the feeling of getting a big chunk of booger when I pick my nose. {Yeah, go on. Say "Eww"}
I love having intellectual discussions with my brother.
I love having everyone believe me all of the time.
I love the fact that people take time out of their busy lives to read me.
I love the fact that a nose-job is called Rhinoplasty.
I love watching stand up comedy and spoofs that I get.
I love getting wet in the rain. I would love it then if the rain stopped and I could dry myself in the sun.
I love songs I can relate to.
I love lame news channels like Aaj Tak, Zee News and Headlines today who have no stories to broadcast.
I love Rakhi Sawant controversies.
I love watching Ekta Kapoor kind of soaps.
I love going crazy and whoozy and outrageously high.
I love hearing in on people's conversations.
I love being curious and inquisitive.
I love a few people in the world.
I love it, that you made it so far down the list. =O

I don't really care about Global Warming.
I don't really care about demeaning comments.
I don't really care about Reservations.
I don't really care about things that don't concern me.

I care about the excessive work children nowadays have to do.
I care about the Board Exam Results I'm going to get soon.
I care about my brother, he means the world.
I care about my computer. Anything wrong with it, is a nightmare.
I care about a few people in the world.

I hate the smell of those horrible mosquito/insect repellents.
I hate having to brush/bathe everyday.
I hate being bothered when I'm using my PC.
I hate the fact that my "Crash Bandicoot" CD doesn't work.
I hate the sight of no new mail.
I hate the urge to eat something, but not have adequate resources to do so.
I hate the feeling of awkwardness.
I hate the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
I hate the taste of new, never-before-tasted "delicacies".
I hate the hue and cry over the tiniest of issues by people who don't even care.
I hate witnessing hypocrisy.

Yea. So that is pretty much... Me.

GCOTD #1

2008-05-06T22:56:00.002+05:30

Glorious Comment of the Day:

"Love is a beautiful thing. Like a butterfly. Dies after 7 days."

Courtesy Vivek. My loving, smart and astoundingly witty brother.
*I wonder where he gets it from!?*

Hercules? Naw. Try Abhishek =D

2008-05-06T20:38:00.003+05:30

Yes. I'm a hero. And a concerned and helpful citizen. An able-bodied helper to the Government. And a hero. This happened today evening. At around 8 o'clock.

My friend and I were in an auto-rickshaw. It was a breezy day. It almost seemed as though the winds were throwing something at us. The auto driver was smoothly cruising along the main road, oblivious to the eminent danger that lay ahead. So were we all. Oblivious. Now, one sees many strange sights while driving by. We see moderately good-looking girls, drunk guys, PDA, dead animals, porsche cars and a lot of other eye raising head turning incidents. This wasn't one of them. Not yet at least.

It was a guy, running. Nothing strange or queer about that. A bus stop was close by. In all probability, he was running to catch a bus. But I knew better. I had seen his kind before. No sooner had we passed him, than we turned around and we heard this other man scream "CHOR! CHOR!"{Thief! Thief!}

The heroic hero in the driver ignited itself and the driver started following the thief.{Who was now ahead of us since he was running so fast} He got to the left of the thief.

I was neck to neck with him.

In a split second I had to decide whether I would chicken out or catch him by the collar and take him down.

Now, you don't need to be an expert to know which decision I took. Everyone knows Abhishek is no chicken.

As soon as he was within grasp, I caught his shirt and pulled him down.

The Chaser guy caught him along with a policeman and did I don't know what to him.

My auto driver didn't deem it necessary to stop, so I didn't get any of the glory. But I'm sure if I had stayed, Chaser Guy would've thanked me profusely and probably fed my already bloated ego.

Anyway, I feel kind of bad for the guy I caught. I mean, if it wasn't for me, he would've been free and happy. But then again, Chaser Guy wouldn't have been.

So, I learnt a valuable lesson from today.

"You can't make everyone happy. Even if you're as Awesome as me."

Have a nice day =)

Loads and Loads of Loads and Loads!

2008-05-03T22:41:00.003+05:30

My vacations so far, have been a whirlwind of amazement, joy and shameless, explicit fun. I have ruthlessly used all my time awake to my fullest advantage. Its been more than a month since my PC was off. In the outside world, I've been catching up a lot on walking and talking. In the inside world (of my darling and me), I've downloaded:
The First Season of That 70's Show.
The Updated episodes of How I Met Your Mother, Avatar - The Last Airbender and Scrubs.
The First Season of Grey's Anatomy.

Needless to say, I have my hands full at the moment. But, regardless of that, I'm going for a "Scrubs-a-thon". A marathon Scrubs watching session till I drop (to sleep, hopefully). Then, I'd continue the next day. Its awesome fun.
My family is practically disowning me. My brother's persistent and somewhat true insults are finally getting to me. I do not hear what they say, I am addicted. Its a sickness. But it's my favorite damn disease. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Shifting focus to what my Loving and Caring brother has to say:

He basically thinks everybody from my school is pansy and completely feminine. He composed a song called "Gregorian Love" (After my school, St. Gregorios High School).
The lyrics go something like:

"Oh, its Gregorian Lurrrvvveeeee" x 64

He thinks calling it a co-ed school is a delusion, and its nothing more than a girls school with a few tomboys. He even came up with a sentence that pretty much narrows down all his thoughts into it.

"They send their boys to school with G.I.Joes, but they all come back with Barbies."

Oh well, thats that. I couldn't say anything to him, because HE seems to have turned out fine. Anything I said or did then definitely WOULD be held against me. So, I thought quiet acceptance was the way.
Its paving the way, for the trampling overs I will receive for the rest of my authoritative, aggressive and ambitious life.

In other news:
I have had it with movies. I have lost the ability to sit through a complete movie. I cannot take it. Which is why I have switched to other shows. It would be real convenient if I didn't have to download it, but Ah, I have no option.

In other other news:

The Earth is going to destroy itself 3 days after the death of the Solar Eclipse in the year of the Langur.{Chinese Calendar}
Run for it! Lets hope for better space research because this Joint is going to bust itself.

Information courtesy "The Talking Volcano" - present on the Property of Abhishek Vishwanathan.

Have a nice day =)

Recalled Incident # 2

2008-04-30T22:59:00.002+05:30

'Twas a lazy afternoon. My mum and brother were home that day. We were all normally sitting and talking. There was nothing strange about the occasion. The normalcy in the air was almost suffocating. My brother was using the computer, I was sitting close on a chair, and my mum was doing what she does best. Talking.
We had just got two new chairs, Neelkamal, if you must, and I was sitting on those. Just sitting is kind of lame for one of as great honor, esteem and pride as me. So I was gently rocking back and forth. And all of a sudden, as if the Universe was trying to humble the humblest of them all (Me, dimwits), the new chair gave way, cracked with a resonating sound, broke, and got me to the floor.

{

Oh my God! Are you okay!? Are you hurt? Get up! Ahh!

Oh no. It's okay. I'm okay.Just a little hurt, thats all.

}

IS how it SHOULD have gone.

But this is how it actually went.

"You just BROKE the chair!?"
"Oh crap! Look at the chunk of chair you broke!"
"How the hell do you manage to break EVERYTHING?"
"Abhishek that was a NEW chair!"

"How about me? Don't you people care about whether I got hurt or no?"

"Oh you're alright. You just BROKE a CHAIR!"

Yes. My family really loves me a lot. Please contribute towards my welfare and upliftment of living standards by donating generously to the "Help Feed Abhishek Good Food" Campaign. God will bless you.

Paypal Accounts and Direct Cash receipt is accepted. Cheques and credit cards are too strenuous.

To Shah Rukh, with love. And concern.

2008-04-24T23:23:00.001+05:30

Dear Mr. Shah Rukh Khan,

It is a well known fact that EVERYONE reads my blog. So I figured this would be more convenient than going through the trouble of acquiring your email id.

I appreciate and greatly acknowledge all the fame you've acquired, and I'm sure you do too. But I do have a few grievances which I am hoping you could possibly remove from my already grieved life.

1) I haven't seen too many of your movies, but I hear you're a good actor. Kudos on that.

2) You and Karan Johar seem to be really great pals. Going by rumors, I am inclined to believe things that may be true that other people may vehemently oppose, but you don't seem to do that. Why?

3) I heard about your IPL team. This is by far my biggest grievance. You're an actor, admitted. You have the money, admitted. But who on God's sweet Earth names a team Knight Riders. Seriously. I would like you to consider that name for a second. Knight Riders. An ignorant man would easily be led to believe its the name of a cheesy "Movie" production company for the above 18s. Thinking of it logically, it makes no sense. What were you thinking Mr. Khan, when you approved of that name for the team you bought with all your *pifft* hard-earned money?! You could've done better with something like the Kolkata Komikkal Kahaniii. That way, theres a million housewives, and Sunita Menon on your side.

4) You're getting older, I guess. {Don't we all?} I was wondering if you'd retire or act till you drop like your old pal, Mr. Amitabh?

5) I'm sure all actors do, but just confirming. Do you botox?

6) How does it feel to be serenaded by Ramadoss? Have you hired any assassins yet?

7) If you took the time out to read this, I'm sure you would love meeting me in person. I would love to strike a deal and kick off my highly potentialised acting career. I have already met with tthe likes of Vidya Balan and the guy who acted in the Santro advertisement. I have brushed with fame and fortune and I have snubbed them. But now, it seems nice though.

8) Keep reading my blog and remember, you're not the ONLY one who loves me =)

Tadaa!

2008-04-09T18:03:00.002+05:30

I now have a title. My brother now refers to me as "He who blogs." He's still not over the fact that I blog.
My monotonous, bland life couldn't have got more interesting.
My Board Exams - {"The most important exams in my life"} are now OVER.
Whoo!

I am excited. VERY excited.

Much happened even during the exams. For starters I saw 7 seasons of Scrubs. And a couple of movies. But thats all. The rest of the time I was eating, sleeping or pretending to study. But apart from that I took them very seriously.

There has been so much that has happened, I know that I will forget to include a lot of stuff. Not like you, a lame-Abhishek-blog-reader, really cares, but what if it includes you? Then you'd care? Surely, wouldn't you? We're all such selfish beings aren't we? Well, lAbr(yes, you guessed it), chances are, you ARE included! OMG! And who knows, maybe you're PHOTOGRAPH, thats right, YOUR PHOTOGRAPH may even come up here!

Please keep reading.

Firstly, out of the cunning, cruel torture every student has to go through at some point in his life, I would like to take some time out to speak out about my coaching classes, Sinhal Classes.

I wouldn't have really made it as far as I'm going to without them, I guess. What little practice I got, I got from them. What fun times I had, I had there. But the whole system of discrimination is just downright sad. Now why would they want to divide the kids into 2 batches of 'above 75%' and 'below 75%' ? I mean , obviously, with all the disgust and ranting, you may have figured which batch I figured in. But its okay. I forgive them. I mean, they were so nice to me and all. And I feel forgiving. Ah, me!

Secondly, Scrubs.

If you know me personally, and we meet, I would be glad to supply you with 7 seasons of it. Its really awesome and quite astonishingly relate-able.

Thirdly, the exams.

I gave my exams in a hall of around 100 students, each more nervous than the other, yet it was masked by the air of put on confidence and mummies telling their kids, "Its okay, its just an exam", all the time worrying whether their kid would top or no. Way too much pressure on kids these days. That explains all the suicides, murders, frustration and surprisingly alarming older aged kids that continue to wet their beds.

Fourthly, MY exams

were AWESOME.

Lastly, You.

Yes, you Mr./Mrs./Ms. lAbr. You will just have to patiently wait for me to update my blog with ALL the stuff thats been happening in my "So Happening" life =D

Keep reading. Or don't. I mean, whatever. Like I care.

I do, I promise I do. Please keep reading.

Whoooooooo!

2008-02-05T09:31:00.000+05:30

I just saw the awesome-est movie.

Bridge to Terabithia.

The movie sees an array of imaginative consequences of a deserted wood. A magnificent performance given by both the protagonists. And the girl's really cute, too.

The movie is about one character - silent, pensive, bullied by everyone else, introvert and skilled at art. He then meets protagonist #2 - enter cute girl who is new in class and incidentally, his neighbour.
She broadens his horizons and delivers the greatest quote ever.

"You'll see. Just close your eyes, and keep your mind WIDE open."

Imagination is always something I've wanted to dwell upon. At length. Let it swirl inside my mind for long enough for it to be imprinted in the conscious memory. When I think of imagination, I find it really awesome, but I guess, when it comes to mine, its kind of restrained to worlds I've already read about or seen before. I feel like an unoriginal piece of offal, meet to be thrown into the whirling sea of dull, common din and normalcy.
Gah!

Ah! Imagination.

Photos =)

2008-01-28T20:38:00.000+05:30

I'd like to post some photos now. Just random photos of random things and people =)

Thats my brother and myself, in the train.

Bassein Fort, Vasai. My brother hopes to take me on our dream date here =)

Brother and me. Bald and the Beautiful.

My brother, the bearded.

My brother's encounter with Mr. Mohandas.

My brother, the terrorist.

My brother, the Karate Kid

My brother, Frog King KroaKK { Stars in newest Ekta Kapoor soap - A frog's life - Ek Mendak Ki Kkahanii}

Check out the intensity there...

My brother, the DJ

Master-photography.

My brother, myself, and a stone elephant.

Ape-man Abhishek

Elvis on an India Map. Yea, I know I'm talented. =)

My Milo ... Hawt no?

Yea, I know

2008-01-28T19:50:00.000+05:30

Yea. Okay. I was gone for a year. Or something like it. Thank you for missing me. Much appreciate it. Hope you were enjoying yourselves when I was suffering out my hiatus of boredom, pain and misery. Yea, I've been studying. Or pretending to, atleast. Lots and lots and lots has happened!

We had our school elocution competition. I said a poem of my own, which was supposed to be very passionate{in the nicest way possible}, but I kinda messed up, because of my stupid shaky legs and dry throat and secretion adrenalin which reduces blood supply to the visceral organs.

But then again, we had our annual debate. Which was utterly AWESOME. Mainly because we won, but yeah, also because I got to kick some ass! Those words are not generally in my diction, but yeah, that happened. I also got the "Best Speaker" Award. 'twas awesome.

But unfortunately, it was my last one in school. And my school life has come to an abrupt, unfathomable stop. I still haven't been able to conceive that I'm no longer in school. I have a month left for my BOARD exams. The "most important exam upon which my future and all of humanity depends". I know I shouldn't even be using the computer right now. But what to do, I'm so nice no? I have to appease such a large fan following and all. Phew!

I spent the best 13 years of my life in school. Mainly because I don't remember the first 2, but I'm sure they couldn't have been better than the 13. Definitely not. Took a long, long walk down memory lane with all my friends, on the last day of school. Sat and talked for 2 hours. I'm gonna really miss that school. A lot. :'(

In happier news, I think Milo came back. For those who don't know, Milo is/was my cat/kitten. I first met her on 14th January 2007 and she ran away on 14th February 2007. My friends put forth a theory that she might have found her Valentine, but I rubbished it because I knew I was the only one for her. Talk about Kitten Love.

Yea, thats her. =)

One more question...
What ever happened to Global Warming in Mumbai?
I'm actually glad though, that we're facing the cold wave. I like snuggling up in a blanket and poring over my textbooks. It beats the heat, atleast. But the winter's a time to go crazy. Like I went for a walk at 9 o' clock in the night, in the bitter cold, and came back being thoroughly stung by the cold. 'Twas fun =D

I am now going to go and once again, be consumed in my lair of airless dungeons, strong links, and boring textbooks.

Take care of yourselves =)

And do take the time out of your busy lives to post a comment or two, I'd appreciate it. In fact, I'll even treasure it on cyberspace for the rest of my life, or probably the life of this blog.

Love,
Abhishek =)

Now blogger saves your drafts automatically!

2007-09-15T21:15:00.000+05:30

Don't worry. My post has nothing to do with the topic.
Joy Oh Joy! My exams just got over yesterday. We had a blast after that.
Went over to a friend's house and saw The Simpsons Movie, with Pizza.
Then went to Powai for Go-Karting, which I did not indulge in because of traumatic and embarrassing past events. =)
Then went to Imax {Movie Theatre}, but so no Movie... just hung out there awhile and then left.
Then went bowling. Which was fun. Real Fun. Then went loony and started crossing the road Left-Right-Left-ly.
I'm really glad my exams are over. But what scares me, is this is what precedes the even larger obstacle ahead. My board exams.
Everyone around me is telling me its about time I got serious about it. Everyone is speaking the truth, but I'm a shameless loser. =)
Unfortunately, my results start coming out from Day-after. And thats what's scarier than the exams.
This isn't fun.:(

I get to sit on the computer for a few more days now. Then my results will work their magic on the working condition of this computer =(

Thats all for now. I guess.
I'm bored.

Oh and I saw Disturbia. Its a decent movie. Quite Okay. Oh and I also saw 1408. Thats a relatively Good Movie. Its supposed to be scary, and it is, a little, but it comes through real great.

Take care of yourself, Joyous Morons.

New Look

2007-09-01T12:35:00.000+05:30

I hope you like the eye-hurting flashy green.

Hand-picked by me for maximum comfort of the retina to project painful images through your optic nerve by the fovea centralis.

Thank You, I think I'll go study some more Biology now :)

Pigeon- Pigeon

2007-08-15T14:20:00.000+05:30

Please feel free to ignore the topic name. It may not be of any relevance, but its oh-so nostalgic.
Anyway, there has been an awful lot of stuff happening, and I blog amidst the fear of my approaching examinations.
I would like to recall 2 huge incidents to this illusional world of cyberspace. So please bear with me.

1) We had to leave for a football match. We were supposed to be out of the school by 8 in the morning. Our match was at 10. It was raining. Like CRAZY. We didn't leave the school till 9:30 for a place at least 2 hours away, because the registration papers of the match were with this guy, who forgot them, and misguiding himself, took a cab to the ground himself instead of coming back to school. So, anyway, we left at 9:30 knowing we would give the other team a walkover, ready to kill that loser, at the ground. But then we realized that it would take us a while to get there, because it took us half an hour to get to a 5-minute walk place :( because of the traffic and the rain. At around 11-ish, we got a call from the authorities, saying the match had got cancelled because of the rain. We could've turned back right there, and reached school in an hour or so, but we grudgingly sat in the bus and went to pick up the guy who went to the ground. It took us five hours after that, and we didn't even play the match. Pity.

2) Now this second incident is a LOT more interesting and wonderful than the first one. If you're a regular reader of this lame blog, you'd know that I was taking part in an interschool competition which included acting. Well, it was at the Hiranandani Foundation School, Powai and the main event was called Euphoria. The event which I was taking part in was called ATWAS - All The World's a Stage. We were given the following characters, and 5 days to prepare the script:
Rapunzel
Sunita Menon
Axel Rose
Mr. India
Ravan

I was Ravan. That was the first round. Twenty schools were taking part in all and the first was an elimination round. Only eight teams would qualify. We rocked our performance. We went on to the next round.

The funda of the next round was that we would be given a line, and we had to make a play that would use the line at least thrice and the play had to revolve around that line. Our line was "My darkest days are over". We were given a measly half an hour to prepare. Only four out of the eight teams would qualify. Unlike all the other wannabe-funny people, we did a serious play, which would show our "dynamic character in acting". We ended with me saying the last line, which I plagiarized from one of my brother's ad-films. It went : "Pledge your eyes. Let others tomorrow see what you see today." We got a standing ovation from one of the judges after the play. We qualified to the final four.

The third round was the grand finale. We would be given three props and a fairy tale around which we had to base our play. And all this in a time period of forty-five minutes.
Our three props were:
A garland
A Paper Bag
A Balloon.
And our fairy tale was Cinderella.

We made this one funny, because we guessed we'd rather keep the serious parts of ourselves dormant. Our play was amazingly awesome. This time, the other participants, and the whole school was standing-ovation-ing us. Even the judges. Later, when the judges were asked to say a few words, one judge went:
"I think the third group(us), was absolutely fantastic. They totally blew my socks off. If you'd look at my scoresheet, these are their marks, 10, 10, 10."
Everyone absolutely loved us. We won the competition. And got a big shiny trophy. :)

Thank you for patiently reading. God bless you. :)

None of my titles are appropriate

2007-07-22T19:03:00.001+05:30

Hello, to possibly the solitary reader of this "blog". Yes, that means you.
Much has happened for a change, I only did not have the time to punch it into this void called cyberspace.
The inter school football matches are on. And I'm my school's goalkeeper. Not like I'm boasting or anything, but I'm reealll good. I mean, I'm not bragging, that's obvious. Because I'm so humble and all. Anyway. We had our first match. And we won emphatically(1-0). My next match is tomorrow and i have complete confidence that we'll lose. :)
Also, my school festival, Odyssey took place. I was participating in an event called "Guess What?"
It consisted mainly of brainteasers, rebus puzzles, anagrams, etc. But our team didn't make it past the first round. As I put it to the rest, we had been unfairly taken advantage of, because we were the host team. But then again, you know what they say. If you do, thats great! Coz I don't know what they say.
Also, my school recently organised a trip to the RBI Mint Museum.
Unfortunately for all the illiterate, uneducated ones in my school, they supplied us no Mentos, Happydent White, Center Fresh or any other mint.
And much to the dismay of money hungry loons, they did not give us free money.
All they DID give us, was free air-time on their surveillance cameras which we all made real good use of. :)
We now have another school festival coming up. This time I'm participating in a competition called "All The World's a Stage"
We have to enact a play (comic) that includes the following characters:
Mr. India
Axel Rose
Sunita Menon
Rapunzel
Ravan

Most people say I should play Ravan, but I'm not too keen. I have stage fright. Who took me for this event anyway!?

Also, few girls from the other class launched a newspaper called "Voices". Not to be outdone, Me and my mateys launched a parody of their newspaper. It's called Noises. And its amazing. I just got done with the second issue today. Will post excerpts from it later, when I have time.

Now I have to go and succumb to what is dominating my life. Studies.

See you laters, Alligators :)

Wet

2007-07-01T17:25:00.000+05:30

The rains are here. And with them, they bring with them, the pros and cons of the monsoon.

Pros - Smell of the fresh wet ground. Possible holidays from school, classes. Joy of getting wet. Joy of NOT getting wet. Joy of sipping hot tea in wet weather.

Cons - Lovely beautiful insects which literally BREED ON YOU. Possible days when its raining heavily and I STILL have to go to school, classes.

Following:
Lines of a perturbed, annoyed mind sitting in a house with no electricity when its raining heavily outside and the atmosphere is HOT & HUMID.

"As I smell my perspiration,
I'm trying to get some inspiration."

Pardon me. I do not rhyme as well as thee.

Modestly,
Abhishek.

Recalled Incident #1

2007-07-01T17:05:00.000+05:30

Long ago and far away, on a lazy afternoon, when only me and my brother were at home, I faintly, reluctantly recall a very misfortunate incident that had occured that day. I was on the computer {not literally, you freaks} and my brother was watching Tv or doing something I couldn't care less about. I was quietly minding my own business, when all of a sudden, he dropped whatever work he was doing and walked towards with an air of "I-want-the-computer" about him. I looked at him suspiciously, half-aware of his motives.

He asked me politely, "Abhishek, get off the computer. I want to use it."

I wouldn't let him.

He pinned down my hands, and told me "You better get up."

Being the adamant buffoon that I am, I replied "No."

Then, in an effort to break free from the grip and launch a counter-attack, I made a sudden jerky movement, and then, the fatal incident happened.

It so happened then, that his arm that was pinning my arm down was below my jaw, and when I made the jerky movement, his pinning arm, moved up & my tongue came between my teeth. After that, I blanked out. My eyes shut. I was foaming at the mouth. Because the light was off at that time, my brother couldn't see the red tinge of blood in my saliva.

He switched on the light. He saw the blood. All the while I'm groaning in pain. My brother goes, "Oh shit, dude, blood."
My shut eyes opened. I looked at the bloody-saliva I had drooled onto the sofa cushion. My brother dragged me to the basin. I rinsed, with mixed feelings about whether I would be able to ever talk again. I looked at my tongue in the mirror and gave out a groan of disgust and pain.

I recovered, eventually. And I can speak.

But, the only 'worth-remembering' part of that day, was that I gobbled down 1 litre of Mango ice-cream and another litre of Black-current.

Oh Joy! =D

o.0

2007-06-21T21:09:00.000+05:30

Hellow once again to the losers who still aimlessly, worthlessly follow this shitty piece of slurpy language I call a blog. I am assuming the rest of you out there had just fantabulous days, staring at the lovely LCD Screens of your Television sets & computers.
Alas! I am not so fortunate. Maybe once in a fortnight, I get a glimpse of the Computer, and when I do, I'm forced to use it to please my large fan following by blogging.

But, then again, I love you all so much. You'll mean the world to me. All you "I'll read his blog & not post any comments" people. :)

Nothing has been happening really, and my life is bland as ever.

But the rains are here. And that's cool! :D
Usually, that would mean, getting wet a lot, prancing and skipping about in the rain like a female, et all.
But No. Abhishek Vishwanathan is in the Tenth Standard. He doesn't get to do all that...
He gets to do more "exciting" stuff, like going to classes, compulsively blogging, Studying.
Don't you ALL wish you were me? Ah.

I also went for the Frank Anthony Memorial Debate Competition. But to the utter dismay of all my well-wishers, I did not qualify for the next round. :(

*crowd goes awwwwww*

Life has been awfully monotonous lately. More monotonous than you think. So monotonous that I have used the word 'monotonous' 4 times in 3 sentences now! And now I am running out of things to blog about.

So, here's leaving you with a reminder that my brother thinks I'm a wannabe because I blog. :)

Adios :)

Wow.

2007-06-09T18:42:00.000+05:30

Even as I type into the illusionary world of cyberspace, I do so in the middle of scribbling numbers down on hapless sheets that shamelessly publicize the classes they are to be submitted to. And if compulsion didn't drive me to move away from them, and enter into MORE compulsion, ie:Blogging, I wouldn't be here.

Much has happened actually, I have just been far too busy(to the utter dismay of my fan following) to blog.

I had been on a 3 day trip to a village-cum-NGO in Vasai with my school.
The accommodation was fabulous. 17 moth bitten mattresses in a rather "spacious" "dormitory" coupled with insects. Or as I put it, rather unrefinedly to someone I cannot recall, "It was a delightful feeling, sleeping with unknown, possibly deadly insects crawling up your jeans, and then finding their carcasses entangled with your leg-hair the next morning, and yet being forced not to bathe due to "excellent" bathing facilities which include an enclosure the size of a closet, with a minimum of 2 lizards + other unknown things on the wall."

The food also, was mouth-wateringly delicious. Rice. Dal. Everyday.
Yes. And the "best" part of it all, we had to wash our own plates, in surprisingly humane conditions. And guess what, they EVEN HAD DISH WASHING SOAP!!!

But otherwise, the trip was rather fun. And I even got to see fireflies. And discovered my hidden capabilities as a bowler. Oh and not to mention an excellent plate washer. Maybe I should consider new career options.

10 minutes after we arrived back in school though, we were already heading down to Ambrosia (Read: Eating place) And gulping down Croissants with Coke.(Coca Cola)

Needless to say, it was challenging, and it tested the constraints of the human body{in many ways}, but, like all challenges in my Ehem, Challenging life, I overcame them and emerged heroic. *heroic music*

Oh and we even put up a play, on "campfire night" without fire, in the auditorium, written by me, and it was great.
And later that night we even sang the "Campfire song song"-Spongebob.
See: Campfire Song Song

Anyways, Thats all for now. Be sure to be back next time, for another adventurous episode offff, LoserBoy & his LoserLife.

Thank you for patiently reading this post.
God will bless you.

Blankety

2007-05-24T13:44:00.000+05:30

As yet another day dawns with air of sleep about it, a young boy awakes to see a ray of light striking his half-shut eyes.
No, unoriginal thinker, the ray of light did not come from the sun, it came from my television set which I now use as an alarm to get up in the "wee" hours of the morning.

Glorious comment of the day {plagiarized} : Friendship is not a real ship.

Okay, is you thought that was lame, nobody's asking you to read my blog. Yes. Not even me. Na-Ah.
You just gotta learn to appreciate the finer things in life.

Glorious Riddle of the day {Original} : What comes after Abhishek?
Ans: Abhish"do"

Hahahahaah. If you did not get that, go squeeze a lemon in your eye.

I have been awfully lame these days. What with all the aura of lameness around me. It blinds & deafens your senses all at once. Its like, a raging monster devouring intestines. Unfortunately, I'm an intestine.

After much observation, I have come to a logical, reasonable conclusion. I write this blog, not for my "avid-fans", is there ARE any, but so I can look back at it, say 3 years from now, and say to myself, "Wow! I was such an absolute loser!"

I don't know about you, but I take immense pride in being a lame, lifeless, jobless loser. It adds a nice ring to it.

All that said, if you've reached so far & expect more milestones in this awfully monotonous life of mine, all I have to say is, "Welcome to the loser club. Now we shall sing it's national anthem."

We are losers, Oh yes we are.
We have alter-egos named Nebuchadnezzar.
We are looked upon as desperate losers.
We have anthems that couldn't be worse.

[Chorus]
We aaaaaare the losers.
Oh yes we are.
What would they do without us.
Na-aaaaaa naaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

[Repeat first verse]
[Repeat chorus]

End.

Welcome...

2007-05-18T17:10:00.000+05:30

Do you have deja vu feelings of already knowing something before it happened?
Do you glorify yourself when you know you are meek?
Do you blog compulsively, because you have nothing better you could be doing?
Does your brother think you're a wannabe when he notices your lame blog?
Do you dislike being dominated over?
Do you think you are the best at something, yet find someone who's better, yet, fail to change your opinion of yourself?
Do you feel sick and tired of the monotonous life you are leading?
Do you feel this blog is an absolutely convoluted piece of bullshit?
Do you feel like it's about time you moved your mouse to the top-right corner of the screen?
Do you feel warmth in sleep, food & the computer?

Welcome to Abhishek's life. :)

Wicked!

2007-05-17T15:37:00.000+05:30

Several times. Not once, not twice. Several times, has it so happened that I tended to, what I would put, concisely as, "drag" my sentences, maybe a tad bit too long, so as to the general discomfort of the common retina so as to maybe, let a sluggish sentence remain in unconstrained memory for an indefinite period of time, till the memorised, drag of a sentence finally dissipates into the raging oblivion; what I would simply summarise with brevity as a drop lost to an ocean, which would primarily be the cause of such an extraordinarily long sentence, to test the limits, confines and to tow the line of English, so as to explore, the unexplored, impeccable boundaries that one absolutely "must" have "never" come by in a lifetime as short as that of a human to possibly be the victim of such horror, but, as I said before, even as you read, you are subjecting yourself to the very torture your ancestors were never subjected to, no war victim pained by, but a torture nonetheless, a torture so vile & cunning, that it makes you forget the first two words of this blog entry, and makes you move from this very spot to the first two words to confirm the unsure truth, of being in a maze, and going back to the start to start all over again so you remember this time, and defy the writer of this absolutely wicked, cunning smirk that you "know" must be forming on the writer's face, even as you read, so, you try & try excrutiatingly hard, to push beyond the remains of a decadent memory, handed over to you by a force unknown, a power unknown, yet, is probably grimacing at a time like this at your obviously, prominent convoluted expression which is on your face right now, and then, you try, unsuccessfully, to suppress a gasp of admiration, for a young 14 year old boy who just managed to, as he would put it mildly, "Taunt" you.

©Abhishek 2007.

You know you want to steal it. You plagiarist.

Consumed

2007-05-17T15:28:00.000+05:30

Yes fellow humans, it's happened. I have become consumed. An average day.

6 AM
Wakey-Wakey.

6:30
Walkey-Walkey

7:00
Sit for class. Till 9.

9:00
A full "15" minute Break!!!!

9:05
Called back into class

11:15
End of Class #1

11:19
Rikshaw to Class #2

11:30
Class #2 Begins

12:30
Finally, Class #2 ends.

1:00
The Homecoming.

1:00-4:00
Computer Time! =D

4:00 onwards...
Homework, studies, sums, theory, pretension, et all.

As you can see, I clearly am, what I would say, "Consumed.

Oink!

2007-04-30T16:48:00.000+05:30

I have in no way planned to write this post. In fact, I don't even know why I'm typing write now. Both of the previous statements are true. So is this one.

Oh well, not any more...

News:

Headlines:

Yesterday I gave a Scholarship Exam to go to AIC (Auckland).
There was good news & bad news.
Bad news: My paper sucked ; Good news: Everyone's paper sucked
xD

My vacations started a day ago. So luckily for me, so did my classes. Everyday. Every Single Day. 7:00 am. The good part is, there are three ac's on full blast and sleep comes knocking at your door. Apart from the darned lecturer that is.

I'm in the tenth standard now, as most of you would've guessed, unless you're not an Abhishek fan, in which case, you ought to be one, but since, you've read this, you probably think I'm desperate & a wannabe & formed a totally wicked opinion about me, in which case, that means I lost one potential fan because of all this bad stuff I'm writing.

In other news:

The interhouse football matches were held, and needless to say, we won, yet again. Thanks to my awesome saves. And some amazing backup from my team. But mostly because of me. I mean, not like I'm boasting or anything. But you know. I'm very humble and all. I mean, I don't mean to bash my humility by reiterating my humility or anything, but MAN, How can one guy be so friggin humble?

In music news:

For the first time in abstractity history, I'm revealing my music tastes.

Of late, I have been listening to these bands:

Delirious
Chris Rice
Scott Stapp
Vineyard India
Third Day (All time favorite)

And I must say, if you find any Scott Stapp songs, you absolutely MUST get them. I find ALL of them AMAZING.

In other lame news:

I saw Kajol. Yes, Kajol the old actress.

The one married to the old guy. Me nad my friends saw her shooting in Powai. The best part is, her security men came after us because we were irritating her and not allowing them to shoot in peace.

How cool is that!!!?!?!?

You may question, then, if its cool, why its under the lame news section. Well, you loser, its to make you realise that you should stop questioning these kind of things.

That's all , I guess. I'm kinda bored, so I thought I'l write here.

Plix refrain from having nice days, I'm envious. :)

Wuff Wuff

2007-04-21T11:57:00.000+05:30

Hello once again, all my potential losers.

See:

Hope you(yes, you my dear I am lifeless enough to read Abhishek's blog-reader) had a good time these past few weeks. I, as usual have been having quite the same jobless life. As always.

In news:

Yesterday. Debate.

Elimination Round:
Topic: The Revolt of 1857 was indeed the first war of independance fought on Indian soil.
Winner: Us.

Final Round:
Topic: Insurrection is an art, and like all arts, has its laws.
Winner: Not us.

But it was fun. Real good fun. Felt good to finally formally fight after a while.

In other news:

Its official. I'm allowed to use the computer only on weekends. So my *ehem* huge fan following, must be really disappointed.

In other other news:

A friend informed me of a scholarship to New Zealand. Hopefully, I should make it. Atleast to the entrance test. :D .

In shit-in-my-life news:

I'm big time ill. And I mean BIG TIME. Cold. Cough. Fever. Head ache. Blah... Blah...

In 8-Hours-before-a-shitty-computer news:

My school's annual concert is today. I did all the editing, recording, etc. etc. for 8 hourse for 3 days.
After all that time, with only teachers, I finally realised the unveiled teacher of my school. [no pun intended, you pervert].
And my reward? A full 3 seconds on screen when the best act is happening on stage!
Wow!

Thats all for now. I guess.
Please stay loserly and keep reading my lame blog. If you can, please contribute to "United Nations Child Malnutrition Fund". I own it.

Please refrain from having nice days.
I'm envious. :)

Photoshop

2007-03-17T20:05:00.000+05:30

As the topic suggests, heres the rest of the Photoshopping outcomes.

That was on the eve of my Chemistry exam! xD

Okay, this is the ORIGINAL image...

And this is how it is, after it has come under the photoshop effect.

And FINALLY.
The icing on the cake.

I just managed to convert This...

Into THIS!

Adios, for now.

Please refrain from having nice days.
I'm envious. :)

So much "good" news!

2007-03-17T19:17:00.000+05:30

Wow... Its been so long since I've blogged. And I'm so sure my *ehem* HUGE FAN FOLLOWING must've been REALLY disappointed. But, dear reader, (and potential Abhishek fan), be disappointed no more. I am here. Hopefully here to stay. Much has happened over the many days you must've paitiently awaited my "much-awaited" posts. My exams have just got over... I'm now officially in the tenth standard, and my life is spiralling into a fairy-tale land of books, stationary, and classes.

I have received several threats off-late to be disconnected from the internet forever. Ooh!o.0 o_0 Im reeeaaaalllly scared. :|

My results are also officially out. Even by MY standards, I have acquired only a menial 68% which is excessively disappointing. I donno. I HAVE made a desperate attempt to start studying... Hopefully I'l be able to kick off the year with decent results.

My favourite teacher, Beena Ma'am has now officially declared she will be quitting her job. :( That is officially the saddest thing that has happened to me this year. Hoping to give her a REAL good farewell.

Speaking of farewell, my senior batch in school is passing out(no pun intended). And sadly, but truly, we have to give them a farewell party, (which my teachers prefer declaring a "formal - get-together") and unfortunately, I am the host.
In other bad news, we have to wear a Sherwani. My protest was heeded by deaf ears.

Teacher: You have all the freedom you want. We teachers will just sit back & merely supervise the event. You are independant to do what you want.

Abhishek: Ma'am then can we please NOT wear a Sherwani? None of the boys want to.

Teacher: No, thats how it will be. :|

Abhishek: *shrugs & wonders what the world has come to*

I even protested with a "signature campaign"...
For which the teacher, took one look at it, went to the neighbouring class, from which I had collected signatures, yelled at them, for which the bledy cowards said they dint know what they were signing for, and got me into a whole lot more trouble.

To top it all off, I will be one of the hosts of the evening on that going-to-be-a-disaster-of-a-day day.

Hopefully, stuff will go alright. I've gone through enough for one so young. Ekkktaa Kkkkapoor kkan probably makkkke a serial out of my kkkomikkkal life.

Eagerly, desperately, ecstatically awaiting a change for the better.

Refrain from having nice days.
I'm envious. :)

?

2007-02-09T18:10:00.000+05:30

Yay!

2007-02-02T17:47:00.000+05:30

From today I dont get to sit on the comp. :(

Interesting Observations

2007-01-28T15:48:00.000+05:30

Interesting Observation #1

I have been learning to play the violin for 5 years now.

Interesting Observation #2

I totally suck at it.

Interesting Observation #3

I do not practice, nor make an effort to.

Interesting Observation #4

All these years have been A total, absolute and complete waste.

Interesting Observation #5

I'm a big time lazy ass.

In other news...

The heat is on me, I HAVE to now, Officially, Study. In a desperate attempt to show that I was doing something about it, I made up a time-table, spending a lot of valuable time on it. Though, after doing that, I failed to keep up with the fast-paced thing and am now left lagging behind. :(
My time-table is 2 days ahead of me, and the "Intersting observation" is: I made the time table 3 days ago. o.0

In other other news...

I have been discovering Photoshop. I recently d/l the thing and it seems pretty cool. It was a rip-off I the computer-guy didn't give it to me when he formatted my comp. So anyway, i've been playing with it, and I came up with quite a few cool images.

Not bad, I guess. I'l try to fiddle around a little more.

Adios. For now.

Stuffing Stuff into this Stuff

2007-01-27T16:59:00.000+05:30

Refer to This post for the following.

This was my pitch, made for people to vote for me as Captain of the Aqua House.

There is an old Japanese saying, “Dera Kugi Wa Utareru." No, that does NOT mean vote for Abhishek as the Aqua house Captain. It means, “The nail that sticks out, gets hammered down”. {Long Pause} I believe “Let the Dead past bury its dead” & “Expectation is an evil, with it, comes disappointment.” The present moment, is the wonderful moment. A wise man once said, “Its not about Leadership, its about representation.” Let me tell you, I do NOT possess the statesmanship of George Bush, nor the EXTREME LOVE of Hitler, not the Political Brain of Mohd. Ali Jinnah, or the simplicity of Mahatma Gandhi, and Neither, the ambition, of Julius Caesar. But what I DO possess, is a tendency, to be VERY, VERY, like myself….Which may not be as great as any of these great leaders, but believe you me, I AM but a part, of YOU. And THAT is what is unique about me. It takes two hands to clap, it takes two flints to spark a fire, but it will take ALL of us, to ACHIEVE. Achieve great glories for Aqua. Aqua has IMMENSE potential.

Aqua, can be like the waves in the ocean,
Forever, aiming for the sky.
Aqua, can be like tears of joy,
Falling, from a glimmering eye.

I, am nobody, but with YOUR help, WE can be the consuming wave that is Aqua. I would only like to say, that IF you vote for me, “A leader you will make me, but a humble servant of yours will I be.”

Beat this, One teacher liked it Soo much, she took it home to show her kids!

These are the two flyers I Put up all over the school. (Only for the intellectually inclined).

1st Flier:

You are probably DRAWN to this flier & that may be the primary reason why you are reading this right now. You are also probably wondering right now, WHY you are still reading. If you were in your right mind, and had other work to do, you would probably stop reading right NOW. In which case, you are still reading this, so that must mean you are NOT in your right senses, or you don’t WANT to do work, or you don’t HAVE any work, or you just like this flier, A LOT. You’ve probably wasted a LOT of time reading this, and I HAVE to congratulate you on getting this far. Since you’ve reached THIS far, I would advise you stop reading right NOW. But as I clearly see, you are still reading, and I could really use someone with so much time on their hands. And while you are at whiling away your time, why don’t you also vote for me?

-Abhishek Vishwanathan
Aqua House.

Have a nice day. :)

2nd Flier:

Aquaians. Aquites. Aquaishians. Aqualings. Aquish. People of Aqua!

Lend me your ear/s.
I put up this poster not to ask you for your extremely valuable, precious, treasured, wanted, worthful, important, significant, crucial, VOTE, I put up this poster just to emphasize the importance of your vote, {and to show you that I know quite a lot of adjectives}.

Your vote is as important as a microphone to a man who is addressing an audience of 1, 25,678 people.
Your vote is as important as an umbrella to a man who is half-soaked with the monsoon.
Your vote is as important as a cape to a superhero.
Your vote is as important as a television to a child.
Your vote is as important as a hat to an embarrassed, bald man.

I hope you realize how important your vote is. VERY, VERY important. Which is why I made this flier. And you have been gracious enough to read it completely. Thank you.

-Abhishek Vishwanathan
Aqua House.

Have a nice day. :)

Needless to say, They were a big hit. Humility is my strong point.:)

Have a nice day :)

Randomised Randomness in Random-Oblivion

2007-01-27T16:38:00.000+05:30

This, Ladies & Gentlemen (And lower, uneducated cretins), is my latest obsession. This undoubtedly, is the best video YouTube has to offer. I'm on a 256 kbps connection, and that is SLOW. REAL slow. But, I waited for the whole thing to load, saw it once, Split my guts laughing, split my guts again, this time snapped my intestines laughing, and ever since, I can't stop watching the Chasers. I downloaded all the episodes I could & I must say, they're Amazing.

In other news, Much has been happening in my dull, uninteresting, simple, normal, everything-but-weird life. I was nominated to be Captain of my house in school, ie: the Aqua house. And needless to say, I came up with a mind-blowing speech with my brother's help, made some Awesome flyers, but STILL, I did not get elected. For the simple reason, that "I did not get enough votes" (or my Principal just holds a grudge against me). You see, I am totally aware of the fact that I'm not being modest or anything, but I AM considerably popular with my fellow students. The only explanations my puny brain could come up with for the fact that I did not get elected would be that:
1)The elections were rigged.
2)It was predecided who would be what.
3)The elections are a hoax and a reason for teachers (& students) to waste their time.

All in all, it was a great disappointment not to be elected. I really missed out on a lot of the pride & honour part of the whole job. Though I did assess that if I would have been elected captain, I would have to play it nice, be ABSOLUTELY good, and stuff like that,
But right now, Im stuck in a VERY VERY bad situation. I'm a prefect. Part of the "Discipline Squad". So now, THAT means, I dont get a very prestigious position, and i STILL have to be all nice and good.

In OTHER, OTHER news, I had to say a speech on "Mumbai of my dreams" in front of my whole school for a competition. I guess I was okay. People trust me too much. Little do they know its a flaw, a very big one.

Have a nice day.

No Clue

2007-01-27T16:27:00.000+05:30

I have absolutely no clue why the blog is even present here. Just because everyone else has a blog, I thought I'l get one too. :)
I also have no clue why I've named it "Abstractity" or "Abstractity Abstracted to Abstractness". I doubt any of those is a word, except for I guess, "to".
What it SHOULD have been named, is "Randomity Randomised to Randomness"
Hey, that sounds nice. I guess I'l rename it that after some time.
Here's a random thought. A random question actually. Which I asked SEVERAL people, but none could answer.
If Mouse=mice & Louse=lice, then why the hell is Blouse (not equal to) Blice???
Well, by now you probably formed a random opinion about my Whoooziness. And you are probably thinking you're wasting a hellova lot of time reading this piece of crap that you think is SUPPOSED to be a blog. What a coincidence! Im thinking that too! Its about time you stopped reading you know. But, as I still see, you are obviously very attracted to this blog(or owner) and so are still reading. So, if you've reached this far, I have also formed a random opinion about you. You are LIFELESS. Just like me :)